Loving you forever can't be wrong, even though you're not here.

There's no you, except in my dreams tonight.

Everything is cold, people are annoying; their chatter, the laughter, the close huddling, cuddling. All I can think of is you and open fires, skin, hands, warmth. The day goes by unnoticed, a little bit of worry and a stab at the heart. Music, a little bit of reading and social skills online make the day go by. I feel slow, stagnant. Iced. The snow follows, masses of masses of white on white on white. Falling, crystallising, superfluous. I want it all to end, to hibernate until the snow melts with the return of Spring. There is a light in my heart that dims every single day. Winter is a constant battle to stay alive. Escape, pretence, sadness and hunger is what it is all about. Being alone, always alone. Everything is lonely. I just want to fall headfirst (heart first?) into you, into anyone who can show me some affection, give me some attention. Clinging to the heat, the small fire beckons you to go forth.

I actually got ripped off three quid. Teaches me. Try and relax, cool off the stress they say. But this leads to idleness and hunger, and filling up on the wrong kind of things. I see she has similar problems to I, I am slightly relieved there is someone else. Except she's getting help and I'm not. I never seem to want to move on from you, I never ever do. It's something I just don't imagine happening in my lifetime. I keep wanting to contact you, send you naked pictures if you'll talk. But I doubt you would even if I did. You probably call me a whore now, you probably listen to them and see me as evil. I bet you never even think of me; it claims you are single but I claim you are a player in the field and the field is World Wide. Plus side, I got to download most of Blip Blip Bleep's album in £10 worth of vouchers. Still got like £15 left on it.

She did mention to me that February (in my opinion December, January and February) are the worst months, full of death, coldness and crappy bullshit from so called 'people.' I just can't wait for life to be over.