Guilty fattening gluttony.

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought that this day would end
I never thought that tonight could ever be
This close to me.

I eat and eat, carbs upon carbs and fizzy pop, popcorn and chocolate. I can't stop myself. The smallest things only provide the most temporary comfort. I think the long, hard enduring days are getting to me unconciously. They keep telling me it's only a month more that I have to focus and give it my all. I better listen, just get on with it. Time moves on way too quickly anyway. I really wish it would all just stop. Stop for just a little while so I can just get some help and then get some friends (like life long, sisterhood type friendships) and be able to understand my work/get work experience. That's all, really. I want to become integrated into 'normality.' It's times like this that I wish I could see the way forwards. It's times like this when I wish you were around. I can't be stable without you. Everything revolves/d around you.

Today was alright, however I only got 18/25 for the mock 242 test and I'm pretty worried considering some of the sneaky wordings and the terrifying questions. I really have so much on my hands and I'm getting so stressed. It doesn't help that I need to try and be social this week when they have the whole colour throwing extravaganza. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through it and get through it well. It was nice speaking to Pia and mother today, and Saj went to her Dr's appt. so she may finally get her hip sorted. Things are finally quiet in the house without Wilf. It's good at the moment. Oh yeah, got to watch Ed Westwick in the Son Of Rambow, haha. It was such a cutesy movie, heartfelt and warm. I want friendship like that. Also, I think it was set in the 80s and I just wish I could be a part of all of those school discos and playing outside and all that. I want to be a kid in those times, it seems so much fun. Also, I now am so into The Cure.